This thought emerged within me
recently, in regards of me bypassing some specific system restrictions, and
thus to this thought the sense of being clever, wise, or more than the system
emerged as connection to this thought.
I see, that when I did something
the way of bypassing the restrictions, functionality, or the way how system
works and operate, I perceived myself to be a clever, wise or more than others
and more than system, because I was able to do something which the creators of
the system didn’t took into consideration.
Mostly, in regards of bypassing functionality of machines in various conditions, and by this want to benefit
from this, want to have advantage and get for myself what I wanted by this
actions.
As a young boy, I was very
interested of mechanics of the things, how things are created, how they work,
and functionality of those things, that was the reason why I go to study electro
technical school, because of this want, to want to know how things works. At my
surprise, at school, no one was able to give me valid answers, how things
really works, as many times how things works is simply guessed and thus this
guessing is implanted to the minds of the students.
Interestingly, we as humans are
able to build various machines, and yes they do what we want from them to do,
they function, and thus serve us in many ways, as without automation such build
cities was be unable to built. But by paradox, humans to not know how this
things works at the bottom level, and that was for me what I wanted always
understood, and also by this, I came to learning about myself, how I work.
How I was created, how I created
myself and why, and within this, I am not different from the machines I use. I
as a human, as a being, I programmed myself to function specific way, my mind
was programmed to allow me only specific things, to trap me to specific
believes, thoughts, and through this create for me the perception of living, of
life, of me deciding what I do and when and how.
Within this, I do not see how I function
at bottom level of myself, as this is hidden within me, in front of me, around
me, in me, as me. In this uncovering of my shits in my mind, in myself and as
myself, I realized, I am fuckingly much responsible for myself what I accept
and allow, because in this, it has consequences on everything.
And I am bit shocked, because, I
do not see those consequences here, I do not see more far than world around me,
I just see that those consequences exists and I am creator of consequences for
myself and equally for others. Within this, here, huge responsibility is in
front of me, because, previously, when I fall in something, I took it the way,
that whatever I fall and I go on, but now, it is a bit different, as I can’t
take myself this way anymore.
And, I am a bit scared, if I am
prepared to take this responsibility, I fear if I am prepared to take responsibility
for myself the way where others are considered equally to myself as whole,
because, this is fucking huge responsibility.
Everything I do, speak, has
direct consequences on others and myself, and like waves resonates and jumps
from persona to persona till reach last one, thus everything I allow, is
reflected in humanity at whole.
And if I see just myself, like
ego and my self interest, I could say I am pretty ok, but let’s have a look on
everything what is here, thus this “picture” about myself is the most terrific horror
which could exist.
And thus my question here is,
what is at the bottom level of myself, If the reflection of myself as humanity
is this horror? It simply means, that what is here, is everything I accepted
and allowed to myself in my past, because what is here is reflection of past
moments, thus what has been accepted moment ago, will reflect and have the
consequences on next moment and this way moment by moment will still reflect
what has been accepted and allowed, by me and by others as we call ourselves –
humanity.
Thus I still have to ask myself,
this all was not enough? The destruction we manifested, is still not enough for
ourselves to see and realize that we fight ourselves? That we are destructing
ourselves each way possible, because this is simply the only one thing we as
separated EGOs know? Destroy ourselves.
Are we really so blind, so dumb
and we really do not have value for life?
Lets see, we are life but we
threat life the most perverted ways, thus who we are?
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think the thought – that it is always
possible to fuck up with the system, not seeing and realizing that by this I am
stating that it is always possible to fuck up with myself and make myself to
fall.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think the thought – that it is always
possible to fuck up with the system as a point of me keeping myself into a self
justifications, separation, and secret back door why and how I can fall.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system, not seeing
and realizing that am in this system thus I am responsible what Is here and
thus by thinking of such thought I am accepting and allowing for myself to
abuse myself, manipulate myself, as a self interest of my actions and thus
acting and doing just for benefit of me, where others are disregarded and
perceived that I can always fuck up with them.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a
statement that I want to shortcut, bypass and fuck up with the system therefore
with myself.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of myself keeping the shortcuts of myself and my process, not seeing and
realizing that by this thought I want to bypass my process and bypass the
mechanics of my mind, not seeing and realizing that it is impossible, as the
creators of the mind as myself fucked up with myself ages ago.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of wanting to bypass my process and bypass mechanics of this reality, that within
this I desire to bypass the system and thus get benefit for myself as just ego
and self interest.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of separation myself from myself, from system and from others, instead of
standing here, in and as system and direct myself to change what is required to
change, without any bypassing, shortcutting, and wanting to have to make things
done immediately, instead of see and realize the time line which I have to walk
for myself and thus face every point I accepted and allowed to myself and the
humanity as whole.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of me not wanting to take responsibility for myself and my actions and thus
direct myself here to bring the system where everyone will be considered
equally and thus horror of mankind will cease to exists forever.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
why I can fall and not stand up, as a point of fear to stand up for myself and
thus for whole.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of fear to stand up within and as me, to stand up and do not allow to be
directed by the mind, as I see and realize how mind utilize the thoughts to
take over me and manipulate me to live within and as, as I see and realize that
by accepting and allowing the thoughts I am manipulating myself, abusing
myself, disregarding myself and my process, my standing, and prolonging my
process, and thus prolonging the process for whole humanity.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of me do not wanting to participate in this world within and as time line which
is required to accumulate sufficient stability, trust, and change to show that
it is possible to change the nature of man from destruction into a creation.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of me wanting to keep for myself the right to destroy and destruct instead of
stand up, direct myself here and change myself for real, to show all who I am,
why I stand for equality, and why only this is the solution for mankind to live
dignified life for each human being here on this planet.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of myself secretly wish and prey for destruction of everything here, as I feared
what I created and thus I do not wanted to take the responsibility for myself
and sort out myself and through this show that if I can do this for myself thus
each one can do this equally for himself/herself.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think
the thought – that it is always possible to fuck up with the system as a point
of me not wanting to see my direct responsibility on myself and the system I live
in and thus others as myself.
Thanks,
Juraj
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