Sunday, October 21, 2012

Day 97 : I think I do not see




                Within this, the idea and thought came up several times, in regards, that I do not see how things works, or that I have no understanding of energy play outs in humans, in me, and thus that I have to learn or that I have to find out.

                Mind has very limited resources how can someone manipulate, or direct, or take over, yet sometimes it seems to me like to much, but it is not. It is simple but at the same time most genuine mechanics as all, when just one thought is enough to take over a being and thus direct being, myself, to scenarios, experiences, mind wants, require and need as me, me as mind, to get the energy to sustain itself.

                Yes, I am not aware everything mind does at quantum level, as this mechanics I am not able to see now, but anyway I am aware of thoughts, how basically mind utilize such thoughts and thus my allowances for energy creations.

                The simplicity of direction is, are my actions directed by thoughts or by me, where I am not following the thought.  

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that I do not see how mind have ability to direct myself with thoughts, backchat and thus empower the mind to have power over me and direct me by the believe that I do not see what I am doing, how and why, as I see and realize how mind utilize the thoughts for energy creation and thus sustaining it's own existence.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to seek and search for joy and enjoyment as energy experience, and when not able to experience this joy as energy thus turn into a sorrow, pain and loneliness of me being rejected, disregarded and diminished not seeing and realizing that by accepting and allowing the energy experiences as joy / sorrow I am disregarding myself as life, I am diminishing myself as physical and thus denying myself but accepting to live as mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to diminish, disregard, and reject to live myself but rather turn into illusions, projections, ideas and believes of the mind as energy experiences of joy and sorrow and thus move according this experiences and express myself according this and not seeing myself as free living being, not seeing myself as a individual who decide what I live and why, what I experience , why , how and when, but rather be a subject of the mind as energy experiences.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that joy, enjoyment or likeness are real experiences of me, instead of see and realize that all of this are energy experiences of the mind, where mind always need to utilize thoughts, backchats to generate particular sufficient energy to sustain own existence, power and ability to direct myself by this energy, and thus create for myself the illusionary world as realm of myself where I would believe that this is real experience of me, not seeing through this illusion of the mind, not seeing through this energy and through this thoughts, why they came and from where, but rather submit as a slave of mind to live according to it.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to access the memory of energy experiences of sorrow while confronting in reality with moments which do not validate my projections, ideas and believes about future and thus re create the sorrow as energy experiences accordingly as losing this projections, ideas and believes about possible life to the future with another being.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to re create myself according the memory I lived and thus fit myself into this memories and follow this memories in re creation of myself the very same way as my reactions, believes, ideas, desires, actions, speech, doing, acting, living, expressing, looking, touching, moving, breathing, enjoying, stressing, fearing, to be anxious, and thus fit into a dimensions of the mind and living of the mind as system, where I accepted and allowed to myself to create myself as a system of memories where I access those memories and thus live that what I lived in the past, not seeing and realizing that past is no more here, as only what is here is the actual very moment which exists, only one and no more, and thus I am here, as the moment, as life, as breath, living here, expressing myself here as breath in where I give myself life and breath out where I die and let go the moment which ended.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to try to comprehend through mind what it means to be here and live here, express myself and speak myself here, instead of actually be here as awareness of life, where I breathe myself in and breathe myself out as only one moment which exists as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to utilize my memories as my characters, as my functioning, as my living, as my expression.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to live according memories of joy and sorrow and thus accept the polarity of the mind as myself and thus move back and forth between energy experiences of mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to utilize my past as my decision maker and form this decide here what I speak, what I present and how I behave, instead of be with my breath, as my breath here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that what happened in my past have to happen again and thus I will constantly and continuously experience and live same things, instead of stand up, be here and thus direct myself here, live here, and be the one who decides what is happening and why.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to utilize my memories of my past to determine who I am, what I live, and how I live, what I express and how, how I behave and how I express myself, instead of simply be here each moment, be here with myself, to be able to see into me each moment I am here and express and live myself, not as the reflection of my past but me as living being, living breath, and living word.

Thanks, Juraj


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