Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Day 87 : Relationships – I can’t deal with it, I suppress it




                In my life, I never had an effective tool how to deal with the experiences of the mind, as positive or negative energy movements, and mostly that what I experienced as negative, I had no idea how to deal with it, thus I suppressed it and I was even not aware I am suppressing those energies and thus those energy is part of me and my direction, and to balance myself I always focused on something which balanced this negative energy experience thus something which I liked, something where I could get positive energy and thus do not see what I suppressed, lot of times perceived as that I forgot.

                To forgot, actually means to do not want to see, as nothing is forgotten, as everything is always with me, as me, just I do not wanted to see what I accepted for myself to live and thus I created idea and believe about my experiences and to those I had no idea how to align myself and deal with that thus I created the mechanism of forgetting, which is actually me suppressing what is here with me, as me, always.

                How can be anything forgotten, or how can I something forgot if everything of me, as me is always here? It is impossible to forget, just I do not want to see, that why I sometimes thing that I forgot, but I didn’t, I just do not see within moment. And to let go, is not about saying or pretending that something is the past of that it is ok, but actually release myself from energy experience within me I believed that it was real experience of myself, and thus see and realize what I accepted and allowed to myself to live, what I allowed to be my direction, and why. And within this, I do not forget what I lived and why, I do not forget what happened, but when I release myself from actual experience, thus I see clearly what point stood for within me, I do not forget, but the point I live do not have power over me anymore, the energy do not direct me anymore, and I do not define myself to that point I live, and I do not separated myself from the point I transcended within and as me anymore.

                Thus me as memories, as reflection of my past, the each memory I lived and created myself accordingly, each one I let go as my prison of my past, thus I am freeing myself from my own enslavement I created for myself, and thus I let go that what I lived, but I see.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the forgetting as protection mechanism for myself to do not see directly and clearly what I accepted and allowed to myself to define myself to, to separate myself from, to delude myself with, to lie me with, to perceive and think, instead of ring the points back to me, back to self here, within moment and see and realize for myself the points I allowed to myself to hide from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that it is possible to forget, instead of realize that I created the forgetting as protection mechanism from myself as from my past to do not see directly what I lived, what I allowed to defined myself into and as, and how I created the prison of me as my mind where I suppressed myself and let the mind to direct me, as I was not able to direct myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself and thus create within me believe and idea of forgetting as protection mechanism for myself to do not see directly where and how I separated myself from.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to suppress within me the negative experiences of me as fear, anxiety, sorrow, stress, nervousness and by this create the idea and believe within and as me as forgetting or that I forgot and thus through this forgetting tried to balance myself through hunting the positive experiences as energy, instead of see and realize for myself that within this I even separated myself from energy and thus think and believe that energy experiences of the mind as negative are experiences of me, and through this believe tried to balance myself with hunting the positive experiences, not seeing and realizing that by this I deluded myself, as each one energy movement of the mind, as the mind, is experience of the mind and not real experience of me, of myself as breath, as life here, as the flesh as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe in polarity of the mind, of polarity as energy experiences of the mind as energy movements and energy experiences within my body, instead of stop, breathe and live here me, live me with and as breath, live me as expression of life, of physical who I really am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe in energy as the source of experiences of myself, instead of taking my power back to me, and see and realize that I am the source of experiences of me, that I am the creator of me, that I am the one who decide what and how I live, and not let my mind to direct me in any way what so ever.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that what mind presents me as pictures, as definitions, as believes, as ideas and projections, instead of live me as stability of me as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I need to stabilize myself and balance myself through participating in polarity of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to participate on anything which is of polarity as good/bad, more than/less than, beauty/ugly, instead of investigating each point for myself where I allowed to define myself as and through the mind and release myself from such acceptances.

Thanks, Juraj


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