Thursday, April 7, 2011


I am feeling tiredness but I am not tired. It is like to want to lie down and just rest, do nothing and just only breathe. It is more like wanting to let everything go and participate in nothing. Do nothing, think nothing, feel nothing, speak nothing, just only be.

It is like hidden desire to escape from everything and everyone and just be alone. Alone with no one around, no one to speak, just only be.

It is like I have to even push myself to speak or write, and mostly when I am writing I do not know what I want to write about. Sometimes I had thoughts that what I will write about, but I let it go, I write in this moment what I write.

Hidden desires, I am curious what is hidden and now I can’t see, as I had dream I can only hardly remember but it was something I was not aware of, it relates to something which is very deeply suppressed within me, fragments of pictures witch says nothing to me but are very important, I know it.

Self acceptance, have to investigate this have to research and find out, yet I am sometimes frustrated from this constant searching within me and not finding answers as it looks to me like playing the game with myself. Like I am playing the game with me, and I am bored of this game.

I suppressed the things within me I wanted to not look on, lot of layers are there and I would like to see directly to the core, but I was “wise” enough in past to hide this core sufficiently to be not able find out so easily, lol.

Anyway, will dig and dig and dig, lol like miner, so I’ll be a miner to see what is in that core of myself.

Thanks, Juraj

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