Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Just flow

I noticed, that over time, I put more value towards the folks – Destonians. It is like, you all mean to me more than other “ordinary” folks.

I noticed, that I have within me some fears, especially about Bernard and Sunette, but this type of fear is like, what if they see in me some great shit which I am not aware of and I will collapse. Lol. Or be scared, or ashamed, or something like this, various type of shadow thoughts which sometimes pop-up in me.

Also, because, I see that sometimes when I hear Bernard’s videos, or made by Sunette, that they know more about me than me, and I even never met them of spoke with them.

And from this, I am sometimes like ashamed that how come I didn’t saw this in me, that this is part of me, yes, because in my life I use to investigate the world outside, and not the world inside.

Yet I tried to find the words for that what is within me, but lot of times without success or I named it incorrectly.

And now for me it is like completely changing my vocabulary, as desteni language is clear, and sometimes when I speak with folks which are not involved in desteni, I notice that they do not understand me, because what I speak destonian will see but they not. So this is sometimes for me hard to explain the things in “old” language.

Sometimes, when I hear voice of Bernard, and the things he explain, I can see clearly how the burst of thoughts arise, it is not like 2 years ago, but still some come out, slower like before, like floating within me, some of them I catch and then let go. Sometimes I do not like what Bernard is speaking, because it is clear what he says I am falling in that, sometimes I have no reaction to his words, mostly no, but still there is something within me, which make me react, it is variable.

I am much more stable than 2 years before, as I can say, that time I was like in constant emotional turmoil, now it is very different. I was hidden, now I am able to open up and share myself without anything secret inside, of without any hidden intentions.

I like myself and I am able to enjoy the moments I am here, yet lot of work is ahead.

Thanks, Juraj


  1. forgive the shame juraj. It's not real. only to your fear-construct.

  2. awesome Juraj! developing self-trust in self-honesty :)