Monday, April 18, 2011

The competition – Win or die

I liked to win. I had to win. For all costs, no matter how high price was.

When I used to play games, simply I had to win, otherwise I should not go sleep unless I won.  In those games which I could not practice sufficient amount of time I cheated, I liked to use cheats, especially in those types of games where opponents were real people.

I used to involve emotions towards the games, I took it too seriously, I was not able to just say to myself It is only a game, come on.

I was addicted, I had to play to fulfill the ego of the mind, the ego of me.

As time passed I realized that each game it is still the same, no matter how it looks, principle is same where real opponents are involved.

 I loved to play as individual ego maniac where I had to have the best stats of the bests, I was breaking my records, and everything in my life has been submitted to this, that time.

I loved to play as polarity or ego, where I died for winning of the team, no matter how much times I sacrificed myself, when I saw that we will win I didn’t hesitated. I loved it.

Nothing was real.

After few years, I stop to involve emotions to the games, and started to be calm during playing, enjoying it with understanding that it is just a game, nothing else, type of games I played changed, my attitude changed, till finally I changed.

Hundreds and hundreds rounds I had to play, to finally realize, it is only a game.

Thanks, Juraj


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  2. I had this too, thanks for sharing Juraj