Day 107 : See the point – Stand the point

                 For one of my fall I started to judge myself, so extensively that I couldn’t even go to sleep, because of this judgment, because of this fall, and I thought for myself I am fine with that point but I was not. As the point has not been walked entirely, thus this fall had to come to see for myself my unconscious point, why everything I did has been cover by this one point, one believe as perception of myself.

                The reason I started to judge myself, is because I started to judge others of that point I stood for, and thus I had to fall to see and realize for myself that I can stand the point for myself only if I will be able to do not judge myself for such point nor others equally.

                The equality of me, must be aligned with equal perception of others, thus if I do not judge myself for anything, thus equally I had to not judge others, because if I do, thus I am separating myself from others as myself and trying to make from myself more than others because of this judgment.

                And because of the judgment, I was not able to see me within the situation and within my fall and the very reason I fall was ingrained within me from my childhood, and thus perception of me and others in such point. Interestingly, every point I was able to see related to this “core” point was just diversion tactics of the mind to do not allow seeing me the very reason, why I behaved in specific ways in relation to money.

                As I realized this point, interestingly, I was shocked because, it was like, wtf? Because of one believe, I was fucking myself for a years, and not seeing for ages what it is why I did what I did.

                But here I see, that each point coming up within me, each thought, each reaction, anything can be utilized for my self support, to see the very core points I created myself as the mind and thus shaped my living according this. And it is worth, because, eventually, once became truly free from dictate of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge myself on the point I want to walk for myself because of fall in this point, instead of see and realize that this fall was inevitable because I didn’t walked the point in its own entirety and thus fall was just matter of time once energy used for such standing deplete and thus I will remain alone with that point not walked completely and thus created within me the friction and judgment of myself because I didn’t understood why I fall.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that each point I will decide to walk has to be walked completely and starting point have to be me, as myself here, otherwise the fall is inevitable.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to walk the point with energy not seeing and realizing that such action is deception of me as energy will deplete earlier or sooner and I will remain again with such point till I will walked it for real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that to walk the point I have see everything and anything connected to such point, otherwise still will remain something I will delude myself with in such point.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge myself because I do not realized earlier my falls and because I desired to stand for the point I started to judge others because I wanted to make from myself more and the one who is able to stand it and that others are losers.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create within me the inequality of standing as the standing the point has been used to make myself more and thus perceive others as less because the fall, instead of see and realize how I can support myself as others to stand such points also if possible.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not realize that if I do not judge myself for the point thus I have not to judge others because they are me, and if I do so, thus I am separating myself from others and by judgment making from myself more than who I really am, as perception that I am more skilled, more better and more clever than others, not seeing and realizing that I will never be more or less than others, but just equal as who I really am here, equal to me and me equal to others.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not realize that the very judgment is the tool of separation from myself, tool of dishonesty, inequality and abuse, and that I have to do not judge anything and anyone within existence as I am always equal to everything which exists.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to torture, diminish, and be cruel to myself because of such fall and thus torture myself and became lost within and as me because I didn’t saw why I fall, instead of simply slow down myself here, see and realize the points why I fall and utilize such point to release myself from such pattern, to utilize the points to simply allow myself to live me and not the mind, and do not harm myself, torture, diminish or be cruel to me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be extremely hard on myself because of such fall, because I desired to stand that point and be this desire to create within me the perception of be a winner as the one who is able to stop to participate on such mind games.

Thanks, Juraj