Saturday, November 24, 2012

Day 123 : I limited life – I believed




                  The moments I experiences myself in and as energy experiences within me life, that is what I start to believe life is, that I start to limit myself into and defined myself as, as experiences I live and I was even not aware why I experienced what I did.

                  I had no idea from where my thoughts come, how are created, why I experience something, why I define myself, why I limit myself, why I believe my mind, why I trust that what was going on inside my body, and definitely I had never anybody around I could speak about my experiences as this was impossible, as no one even comprehend how to explain what is experiences within, thus all my life I was in position of trusting this energy of the mind and experiences mind has been serving me during my life time here, and thus I started to limit myself, define myself, trap myself and giving my power to my mind because that is what everybody is doing and thus I did as well.

                  I started to think and believe that life is what I experience, and thus run for experiences became my living, ach how deluded I was.

                  I never experienced me, I never considered me, I never liked me because everything I start to trust was this thoughts in my mind, the experiences of the mind, thus everything I start to consider was again the mind, what I heard was the mind, what I liked was the mind, what I adored, what I gave attention was the mind, and thus everything of the mind, as fear I start to live, and my question is, was this all, or has this all any worth or any value?

No.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that life is about experiences of fear and living in fear, as fear of the past, of the present and of the future, not seeing and realizing that by this I trapped myself, limited myself and defined myself in and as fear experiences I lived through my life time here, and thus diminished my living but rather remained trapped in and as energy definition, idea and believe of fear and that fear is real, not seeing and realizing that any fear I experienced was because of me separated from that what I feared , thus from myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that life is of experiences of the mind, not seeing and realizing that by this I started to live illusion of the mind and not live here as presence of me within and as each moment as each breath.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that what I experienced as energy experiences of the mind as fear, anxiety, stress, nervousness, anger, likeness, love, enjoyment or joy as positive and negative polarities of the mind is living, life or experiencing myself, and thus by this defined the life, limit life, myself as life and thus shape, mold and enslave myself into this polarities of the mind and believe that this is everything I am, or that this is everything I can ever experience, not seeing and realizing that I trapped myself into illusions, delusions and ideas and believes about myself as life, that I separated myself from myself, from body, form existence and thus start to live just as a follower of the mind as the one who heard the thoughts of the system designed to enslave me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to put any value into and as systems of the mind and think and believe that those systems is that what makes me alive, instead of see and realize that systems of the mind as mind as system is constantly and continuously enslaving me, killing me and raping me as the body, as I accepted to myself to define who I am because of memories of energy experiences of the mind and thus accepted and allowed to myself to live this and not myself and not see myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can hide in front of me, not seeing and realizing that hiding is impossible as everything and anything which is here is me thus I can’t hide, as how could I as all that is me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit myself because of memories of me what I live in the past, as fears transformed to others energy experiences and defined and perceived as something else, not seeing and realizing that each and any energy experience has foundation in and as fear of myself and thus not seeing and realizing that any energy I experience is simply only fear.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that very foundation of the thoughts is to generate the energy of and for the mind and that only energy mind generates is fear as the fear of myself became me because I separated from myself because of this fear.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that any energy experiences what I could experience are pleasurable or cool or fine because those ones are positive, not seeing and realizing that this positivity is bullshits as hell as this serves only to cover negative energies created and accepted within and as my body and that I was in constant attempt to cover bullshits of me I accepted towards myself, not seeing and realizing that this negative parts of me comes from fear of myself and thus all I did in my life is that I just feared me, I feared to accept me, I feared to be me, I feared to be here, I feared to face me, thus I defined, limited and trapped myself into illusions of the mind as projections, ideas and believes about me as I do not wanted to see here what and who I really am in and as this physical reality.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit myself according energy experiences, bound myself to this energy experiences and separate myself from myself because of ideas and believes that those experiences are real, not seeing and realizing that what is real simply have to last and stand the time, thus everything which do not stand the time is of the mind and of illusion about myself, as illusion of past, presence and future, not seeing in and as me that what is here, as space as me as physical as me as breath has me is constantly here, thus constantly infinite as is not defined by time, not past nor future just here.

Thanks, Juraj


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