Guilt and the perception of
being guilty, comes from self judgment, it is friction between good and bad, I
noticed, when I did something what I judged within and as me as bad, thus I created
experience of me being guilty, because of this very self judgment.
Hand in hand with guilt goes
hiding, as through this hiding is more simple live, to not reveal what one
judged as bad within and thus to not look on own experience of guilt, not
seeing that it is just religion and society brainwashing – because when one
stick to the principle of oneness and equality – guilt can’t not exists.
When I faced the point of
decision, to break the relationship with girl, and thus say this decision to
her, I experienced myself to be guilty, that I am the one who is “betraying”
our love, our relationship, and our living together and our vision of our life
together to the future.
That time I was not able to see and
understand all this love play-out between partners, energy motions and self
definitions, that time I just do not “felt” to love here anymore, as obviously
the energy which I was able to generate towards her dropped within me and thus I
was not able to generate this energy within me anymore, thus the feeling of “love”
disappeared and I was confronted with reality of me and her, and thus had to
break this relationship. I wanted to tell this to her most “soft” way, to do
not harm her and her emotions, as I felt myself guilty already just for the
decision to break this relationship. As I perceived that it is me who is doing
something bad and thus I judged myself that I am doing bad thing that I am
breaking this relationship, but I had to as I saw no point how we could
continue together.
When I spoke with her, I tried
to excuse myself in front of her, to do not experience this guilt, but anyway I
did, and after this event it was like the stone falling out of myself, when I said
what I wanted said, but interesting was, that to come to this decision to break
this relationship, I had to have something which I could use against her, something
as reason why I am breaking this relationship, thus I used the point of her
kissing with my friend, denying that she did this because of wanting to make
myself jealous on him and because of want to be with me, but one way or
another, it was still bullshit, and I didn’t want to reveal that this decision was
because of me of lost ability to generate energy towards her, as that time I didn’t
understood this clearly.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that
guilt exist and that feeling of guilt is real experience of me, instead of
realizing and seeing that guilt as energy is coming from self judgment of
myself as polarity between good/bad and thus I forgive myself that I have
allowed and accepted to myself exist within and as mind polarity between
good/bad and thus create energy friction within and as me and thus kill myself
as my self expression within and as experience of guilt thus I forgive myself
that I have allowed and accepted to myself to perceive that when I did something
which I judged within and as me as bad thus I have to experience guilt and
feeling of being guilty, instead of realizing that this feeling is not real
experience of myself but of the mind and thus investigating what I judge within
and as me as bad, forgive myself and let it go to release myself from the
energy experiences of the mind I built myself onto, thus I forgive myself that I
have allowed and accepted to myself to feel and experience myself to be guilty
when I came to the decision of breaking relationship between me and my
girlfriend as perception that I am harming her feelings and thus that I am the
one who is bad and that I am the one who is guilty for this as breaking the
relationship, instead of realizing and seeing that what we lived as each other
was just our energy play out within and as our minds as perception and self delusion
of love.
Thanks,
Juraj
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