The best cover to do not look
and find my own fears and remain locked within and as mind is simply to fear my
own fears.
I can “feel” this fear within
and as me, I live this fear I do not want look on, I do not want to see into me
as this one fear which I can find can shock me, I see it but do not want to see
it at the same moment, always I am doing anything else just for sake to do not
look directly on this fear, I covered this fear and I suppressed it and I let
myself to be directed by this fear as building pillar of other fears.
I rather look on anything else within me, I
rather look and try to solve any other point within and as me, just for sake to
not to have to touch this ultimate fear I live.
I would rather speak hours,
write hours, do anything and everything, just please do not allow myself to
look directly what I live as this fear which permeates my body, it is
everywhere within and as me, this fear, my precious fear I live, my darling, my
definition, my prison, my suppression, my hiding, my not carrying, my mind, my
mind consist of and is made of fear, my mind requires this fear as how I will
live when I will give up this fear?
Who I will be and how I will
live? What I will live then when I will not live my precious fear? Did I defined
and limited myself towards this fear, I placed myself inferior towards this
fear, I allowed to be slave of this fear, I allowed to follow this fear, I allowed
to speak through this fear and I allowed to look within and as this fear, everything
I consist of is this fear that’s the reason I do not want to see directly, to
uncover the “walls” of covers built up on this fear.
The characters, the personas,
the language, the movement, and at least – my breath is ingrained with this
fear. This fear is massive, so massive that I started to fear this fear as it
would be probably better to fear it and thus do not have to look on it and
resolve and let it go. As the fear of fear provides my false security, false
illusion and perception, that I can handle it, that I can live with it, that I can
call this – living – Life – it is not so.
The fear I am speaking about, is
fear of love. I ultimately fear to love myself unconditionally, I fear to break
through this fear and experience myself as expression of love as love, as this
experience was so amazing that I frightened myself, I believe I am not worthy
to experience innocence of love as love as me as I placed myself as not worthy
to love myself and experience myself without the prison of the mind, as the
mind is my security where I can remain within and as my fear and not to step
forth and break the chains I created for myself.
But, I see it. Thus – it is
simple – Break the chains I live.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to look into me as me
on my own fears I live.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to look into me and
be intimate with me and see and realize for myself what I have allowed and accepted
to myself to live, express within and as mind as fear as fear of myself as fear
of oneness and fear of equality of me as expression of love through separation
myself from myself within and as my mind.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to look into me and
see what I have allowed and accepted to myself to live, where this living I perceived
as life instead of realizing that it is not life but dying and waiting on my
death where after death I will apparently not have to live within and as this
fear of love and thus waiting for my death where possibly I will be finally
free from my own fear not realizing and not seeing that it is me who created
this fears and imprisoned myself into and as this fears and not seeing and
realizing that it is me who to dare to call living the fears the life thus I
forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to see and
realize that what I fear is fear of love, fear to love myself within and as me
as life, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to
think and believe that I am not worthy to experience and express myself within and
as principle of equality and oneness as love where everything and everyone is
considered equality where I allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself
from myself within and as my mind to give myself the chance to live my “life”
according patterns I saw in my parents, according words of my parents and
according fears of my parents where I copied this fears and allowed and
accepted myself to became me, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and
accepted to myself to became the fear and live the fear as me, to think and
believe that this fear is my life and thus fear everything and everyone else in
false perception of life and living thus I forgive myself that I have allowed
and accepted to myself to judge myself as inferior and give permission my mind
to direct myself through my own allowance and acceptance of living within and
as fear of me.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear myself and to place
myself as inferior and not worthy enough to live life as who I really am here
as breath, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to
fear my breath as life and to fear that I am the breath of life because when I will
realize that I am breath of life it means that I realize that I am equal and
one with others within and as principle of equality and oneness thus I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to realize that I am
equal and one with anything which exist and consist of matter as matter is that
what is real here, thus I I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to
myself to fear to realize that who I really am is matter and not the mind where
I placed myself inferior towards the mind and let my mind to direct my life and
my living, my speech, my actions, my movements within and as fear of myself
thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to
stand up within and as me for myself and see and realize that fear is just
illusion created by me to not stand up for myself and express myself within and
as my breath of life here, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and
accepted to myself to fear me to breathe and fear to be here with myself within
and as existence thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to
myself to fear to consider my physical body equally, each particle and each
molecule and each cell, everything which my body consist of as physical and
thus love myself equally as each parts of me which I consist of.
Thanks,
Juraj
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