As a child I had no idea about
love, and I had no clue what it is fear. I was here and I just enjoyed the I live,
nothing else existed.
First time when I experienced
fear, it was towards my parents, over time towards my brothers and sister,
after some period towards the friends, then towards the school, then authorities
within system, then teachers, then my girlfriends, then money, then drugs, then
words, then anger, then movements, then looks, then lips, then touch, then sex,
then pictures, then thoughts, then myself.
Or vice versa.
First time I experienced love as
energy thus towards energy, then towards fear, then towards parents, then
brothers and sister, then friends, then girlfriends, then money ,then sex, then
desire, then thoughts, then ego.
What I missed? Myself – I never
had energy experience of love towards myself. Anyway, it is still irrelevant as
it is still just energy.
I do not experienced real love all my life, as expression of life as me
within moment, where all are equal as me as expression of me as love, except
one very specific moment.
Thus here I can say with
absolute clarity, that if anyone experience love as energy feeling towards
someone or something, thus you are absolutely blind and lost, love as energy is
perversion and disgust, love as energy is ego, self interest, love as energy is
absolute deception. Love as energy is fear, love as energy is separation, love
as energy is that what kill life, love as energy is that where only self interest
and self satisfaction is searched, love as energy is separation, love as energy
feeling is horror, love as energy is absolute evil.
Why do I say that?
I breathed out and the breeze of
my breath as my breath unfolded “coldness” into my body equally, where the
breath reached at the same moments all parts of my body, and I experienced
myself as love, I experienced myself that I am love, not as a feeling nor
energy, the expression within and as moment of me as love stretched through my
body towards myself and all beings, where the expression of love stretched all
beings equally and the likeness to hug and kiss all of them within same moment
took place, to hug all as me as myself as love as purity and innocence as
living beings.
Why do I do not experience
myself as innocence of love as my expression towards myself as life and others
equally?
Answer, is very simple. Fear –
FEAR – F E A R – Fear of sound – Fear of love.
Why I fear love? Why I fear
sound? Because all I know and understand is ego and inequality. All I know and
understand is my prison within and as my mind as fears. I built my prison of
myself based on multiple layers of fears towards myself through separation from
myself.
This means I fear equality.
Once I thought I do not fear
anything, but it was simply my denial to do not have to look on my fears and
deny what is the most prominent point within me as me.
I live in absolute fear – to love myself equally.
This fear is what I call my way of living and my way of life and
experiencing myself to be alive. But also I can say with clarity, that it is
not so. It is not real and it is not who I really am, all are just memories I learned
to “live” myself as character as persona where I act who I am, but it is not
who I really am. I act myself and I play myself according memories I learned
what works within system and what not, what brings me energy and what not, I have
to laugh on myself.
How ridiculous this is, that I became actor of my life – Not seeing and
realizing who I really am as life here, and thus not live myself in
self-honesty.
You may ask, what real love is, and the answer is just one word –
Equality.
Equality is just one word but this one word covers everything in absolute.
But to really grasp what equality is, that is quite journey, journey into the
exploring most amazing point in existence called – Life.
Thanks,
Juraj
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