Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Day 38 : Love the fear – Fear the love

                As a child I had no idea about love, and I had no clue what it is fear. I was here and I just enjoyed the I live, nothing else existed.

                First time when I experienced fear, it was towards my parents, over time towards my brothers and sister, after some period towards the friends, then towards the school, then authorities within system, then teachers, then my girlfriends, then money, then drugs, then words, then anger, then movements, then looks, then lips, then touch, then sex, then pictures, then thoughts, then myself.

                Or vice versa.

                First time I experienced love as energy thus towards energy, then towards fear, then towards parents, then brothers and sister, then friends, then girlfriends, then money ,then sex, then desire, then thoughts, then ego.

                What I missed? Myself – I never had energy experience of love towards myself. Anyway, it is still irrelevant as it is still just energy.

I do not experienced real love all my life, as expression of life as me within moment, where all are equal as me as expression of me as love, except one very specific moment.

                Thus here I can say with absolute clarity, that if anyone experience love as energy feeling towards someone or something, thus you are absolutely blind and lost, love as energy is perversion and disgust, love as energy is ego, self interest, love as energy is absolute deception. Love as energy is fear, love as energy is separation, love as energy is that what kill life, love as energy is that where only self interest and self satisfaction is searched, love as energy is separation, love as energy feeling is horror, love as energy is absolute evil.

                Why do I say that?

                I breathed out and the breeze of my breath as my breath unfolded “coldness” into my body equally, where the breath reached at the same moments all parts of my body, and I experienced myself as love, I experienced myself that I am love, not as a feeling nor energy, the expression within and as moment of me as love stretched through my body towards myself and all beings, where the expression of love stretched all beings equally and the likeness to hug and kiss all of them within same moment took place, to hug all as me as myself as love as purity and innocence as living beings.

                Why do I do not experience myself as innocence of love as my expression towards myself as life and others equally?

                Answer, is very simple. Fear – FEAR – F E A R – Fear of sound – Fear of love.

                Why I fear love? Why I fear sound? Because all I know and understand is ego and inequality. All I know and understand is my prison within and as my mind as fears. I built my prison of myself based on multiple layers of fears towards myself through separation from myself.

                This means I fear equality.

                Once I thought I do not fear anything, but it was simply my denial to do not have to look on my fears and deny what is the most prominent point within me as me.

I live in absolute fear – to love myself equally.

This fear is what I call my way of living and my way of life and experiencing myself to be alive. But also I can say with clarity, that it is not so. It is not real and it is not who I really am, all are just memories I learned to “live” myself as character as persona where I act who I am, but it is not who I really am. I act myself and I play myself according memories I learned what works within system and what not, what brings me energy and what not, I have to laugh on myself.

How ridiculous this is, that I became actor of my life – Not seeing and realizing who I really am as life here, and thus not live myself in self-honesty.

You may ask, what real love is, and the answer is just one word – Equality.

Equality is just one word but this one word covers everything in absolute. But to really grasp what equality is, that is quite journey, journey into the exploring most amazing point in existence called – Life.

Thanks, Juraj

No comments:

Post a Comment