Me, as a male, I would never
thought before, that I will sometimes write about the point, of being raped,
raped by woman.
Once I pushed myself to speak with woman whom I
feared from certain perspective, which behavior was very expressive, looked
very natural, and I was not aware why I am attracted to her. Why I liked here
expression, why I liked her way of talking, and what is behind, I was blind.
The speeches between us looked
very natural, I shared with her lot of different points, and for moments I thought
myself that she is aware of some point thus is cool to speak with her about it.
That time, I forgot my polarity design of inferiority/superiority towards
girls, and mostly as I focused just on point of superiority towards girls, I
forgot to solve points within me being as inferior.
I forgot myself completely as I was
attracted to this woman, and I just started to follow my design, where I placed
me as inferior and less than a woman.
I was excited that you touch me,
that we are in bed and that we both kiss each other, I was excited but I do not
wanted to have sex with you. We both started to undress each other, and we
remained naked in bed, touching, kissing, moving our hands over our bodies, I liked
it, I liked you touch and kiss me, and here, I am on bed on my back, yes I am
excited thus my penis is hard, you are naked and you are on me, no penetration occurred
so far as I do not wanted to have sex with you. Simply, within me I do not did
this decision that I would like to have sex with you, simple I do not wanted
and that was my will.
But as you moved down to my
penis with your hand, just you take me and move yourself to be able to
penetrate, I am shitty scared, I am frighten as I do not want this, simply not,
I want resist but for my surprise I am not able. I am not able to take any
action to stop you, I am like paralyzed and you move yourself and penetrate and
fill your vagina with my penis and start to move, simply fuck me. You started
to fuck me, and I do not want this, but I am just laying on my back, frighten
from myself that I was not able resist you, I do not understand myself within this
moment, how come I am allowing this, why I am allowing this. Yes I am excited but
still I do not want to fuck with you. But you do, you fuck me and you enjoy it
and you do not care if I want or not, you are taking me, you are raping me just
for your pleasure and I am allowing it.
I started to judge myself, how
come I allowed this, I felt guilty in front of me that I was not able resist,
not seeing and realizing that it was because I placed myself as inferior
towards you, thus just as a puppet in front of you. I placed myself this way, I
allowed it, I made from me the toy for you and you took action and opportunity
to play with this toy.
I felt wrong, I felt abused
without asking if I want this or not, but by paradox I allowed it. I feared
you, I do not stood up for myself as I was not able to see where I placed
myself and why. When we finished, I felt liked shit but I suppressed this
moment, I do not wanted to see it, and I do not wanted to see what I allowed.
Within few days, we are in very similar
position, but just other day is. Sex between us started very similar way, and
as I suppressed already the moment few days before, what I experienced and why,
thus I am allowing you without any resistance to take me, and start to ride on
me. I look on you, you have closed eyes, and you are moving your skillet and
simply frenetically fuck me. I see you are raping me, but for my surprise this
time I like it. As I suppressed the moment before, and dislike to this event,
now just polarity of this event emerged within me as likeness of being raped.
Yes, I look on you, how you
move, how you rape me and I like it. This comes to me as nonsense. The energy
within me emerged, and I created within and as me the likeness towards this
event, as I was placed in front of you within and as me absolutely inferior,
your puppet, your slave, your toy.
I started adore you as my goddess
and mistress which can do whatever want with me, and I will just be you slave, I
was aware who you are, what you do, but I was not able to resist you just serve
you.
You once said: We at first took
those innocent, how much demons was inside you? But, I can’t blame you, as I allowed
it, without my allowance you would not be able to do with me what you did.
After some period, when our “relationship”
start to crash, I heard within and as my mind, my mind praying you to be with
me, the voice within me head, like me on knew in front of you, but I stood up,
and I started to scream on you, I had to scream as I had to be louder as the
speech of my mind, I had to stand up within me in front of you, and outshot my
mind.
You stood up in front of me
paralyzed, looking on me not knowing why I scream, scared from me, yes I had to
scare you and stood up in me, to do not allow to be raped anymore.
By paradox, over time, the
thoughts in polarities of raping and being raped emerged within my mind, and I was
no aware why, but because I defined myself to this event, I allowed the rape to
exist within and as me, I allowed sexual energy connect and create through the
act of raping, through taking the other against his will, I allowed to create
within me the energy of being abused, and polarity of this event and friction moved
within my mind, showing me, and I realized, I allowed rape to exist, thus I am
responsible for rape which exists, and I stop.
I do not allow this anymore.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from you
and place myself inferior in front of you, looking upon you are superior and
thus allow and accept to be raped be you, instead of realizing that this all
was polarity friction between inferiority/superiority of two separated entities
as we became our minds, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted
to myself to make form myself the toy for you and puppet for you to fulfill
your sexual needs and desires.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not resist you when you
started to rape me, as I placed myself inferior and thus I became paralyzed and
not able to do anything about it but just lay and serve you as a tool for your
pleasure.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge myself that I allowed
this event of you raping me, and judge myself for inability to resist you, not
seeing and realizing that I allowed it because I placed myself inferior in
front of you instead of standing equal and one with you, seeing myself equal to
you and seeing yourself equal to me.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself the rape exist through my
very allowance of inferiority towards a girl, instead of seeing myself equal to
a girl and girl equal to me.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge me for allowing rape
and event of rape, and allowing to be raped and not seeing why I allowed it, and
suppress this guilt and judgment of myself within me and not wanting what
happened and why this happened thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and
accepted to myself to create within me the likeness towards the event of being
raped and being abused as energy creation of this event of abuse, through my
allowance and acceptance of sexual violence and sexual abuse where I placed
myself inferior towards you and not seeing and realizing myself equal to you
and you equal to me.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me positive
energy charge and sexual energy creation in and as the moment of sexual abuse
and sexual violence and through this allowing and accepting rape to exist as I separated
myself from you and through fear and my inferiority to allow and accept to be
raped as I suppressed my self judgment and guilt and inability to act and
resist you within me.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be paralyzed within and as
moment of you wanting to have sex with me, not standing up and speak that I do
not want this, not being here within and as breath, but just excited in my mind
as my nervousness and fear, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and
accepted to myself to rape exist as an act of separation, nervousness and fear
and thus create within and as me the anger towards this moment and towards you
and want to revenge on you but not seeing and realizing myself as equal to you
and you equal to me.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to anger and rape exist as
the separation and friction in and as me, where I separated myself from you and thus
created the energy and energy friction within me and through my placement as
inferior allowed the rape to exist as violence towards the physical.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to rape exist as rape of
physical as a very friction of physical being abused and used for generation of
energy and thus create within and as me the likeness and positive energy charge
towards abuse of physical in and as separation from the physical within my
mind.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from
physical and thus through this separation allow and accept the friction, the
polarity of inferiority/superiority to exist and from this rape and abuse to
exist in and as me, instead of being here as breath and express myself equal
and one with physical.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from
physical because of very likeness towards the sexual energy and friction which
occur through separation and within this allow and accept the rape of the
physical to exist.
I forgive
myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to abuse and rape the
physical just for energy creation and my likeness towards this energy and my
self definition towards this energy and not seeing myself as equal and one with
the physical, with my body, not standing up for the physical as my body, but
just follow the script/design and program of inferiority/superiority and
more/less than where the friction can occur and through this friction allow and
accept the rape to exist.
I commit
myself to do not allowed and accept rape to exist within and as me.
I commit
myself to do not allowed inferiority/superiority exist within and as me.
I commit
myself to see myself equal towards myself and others equal to me.
Thanks,
Juraj
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