Day 32 : Everything is wrong

                Yesterday, I became experiencing the things, like everything is wrong. Myself to be wrong, things around me, people, literally like everything is wrong. By paradox everything was on its own place as always, I was not able to see what it is I am experiencing, or why.

                Hours passed and still, this experience, I focused on my breath, not able to stop or change this experience of myself, and then I realized, I am waiting, not directing myself, I waited on outside stimuli and this outside direction was not coming.

                I realized, I have to direct myself no matter what I am facing, what I am waiting for? That someone else will direct situations?

                Direction Is never about waiting, as this waiting is waiting on me? I waited on me to take action and do what was required, and as I stood and start to direct situations everything became fine, in work, also the search for new flat, at the evening was resolved and done.

                And the experience of myself, to be wrong disappeared and I could enjoy my presence and the words I spoke as the evening and weather was so fine, and I had so calm moments.

                Never wait, if you wait things will never come, rather stand up and direct and act. I am learning this.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to wait on myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to wait on myself to stand up and take action, to wait to stand up and speak, to wait to stand up and do what is required to be done.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to wait and think and believe that when I will wait things will happen instead of realizing that it is me who should direct situations and myself and make things happen.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to doubt and wait if I am able to direct myself effectively.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to doubt about myself and my capability to take action and do or speak.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to doubt about my actions and words I speak.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to participate within and as my mind on doubts about myself and therefore became waiting persona who thing and believe that things will happen instead of stand up and make things happen.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself within and as doubts about myself and doubt if I am able to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit my abilities and skills within and as doubts about myself and therefore not effectively directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be directed by the mind by the doubts about myself and about things I see and realize.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit and diminish myself and my self expression here within and through doubts about myself with thoughts within my mind as “ I am not good enough” I can’t do it” I can’t direct”, I can’t speak” and through this allow and accept to compare myself among others and thus diminish myself and not value myself as who I really am as life thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to direct myself and to fear to direct my words, my questions equal and one.

I commit myself to investigate the points I separated myself from and thus allowed and accepted to myself to wait on myself through points I separated myself from.

Thanks, Juraj